When I’m ‘pissed’ about something, one of the first things out of my mouth is, “That shouldn’t have happened!”
When I’m ‘ticked off’ with someone, one of the first things out of my mouth is, “They shouldn’t have…!”
When I’m feeling bad about myself, one of the first things out of my mouth is, “I shouldn’t have…!”
There’s a reason why I keep ‘shoulding’ on others; I’m trying to place blame on someone else for what happened to me. The reason I’m hurting is someone else’s fault. The reason I’m having a bad day is someone else’s fault. The reason I’m mad at you is a result of what you did to me. It’s your fault. And you shouldn’t have done it!
We all do it. We all blame others for the way we feel. We even blame others for our own mistakes. How many times have you heard someone say, “You made me do it!” Or have you ever heard yourself saying, “If you’d just kept your mouth shut, we wouldn’t be in this mess!” This is playing the blame game.
But what we don’t realize is: what it’s doing to us. Blaming others for the way we feel robs us of our joy, and steals our enthusiasm. Blaming others keeps us from seeing our part in all of it, and prevents us from accepting any responsibility.
Blaming ourselves is really just self pity in a different form. What we’re really saying is, “Poor me.” And although we don’t realize it, what we’re saying to others is, “Please feel sorry for me – I’m really not such a bad person.”
The stories we create by our own thoughts is a result of resisting ‘what is.’ By saying, ‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ is making a judgment. What you’re really saying is, “That shouldn’t have happened.” But it did.
‘I shouldn’t have…’ is blaming yourself. That’s nonsense! All you’re really doing is heaping a ton of blame on yourself. This keeps you stuck, and prevents you from moving forward. Blaming yourself stops you from accepting responsibility for you own life.
This is your life. No one else can take responsibility for it. Only you can, so…
Stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself!