I was never a very good liar.
As a kid I failed miserably trying to fool my friends at school. My smile would give it away every time. And my parents always knew when I was withholding the truth. Even when it was important, I’d blow my cover with a guilty look, or an excuse that didn’t make any sense at all. Lying just wasn’t my thing.
Somewhere along the way, I fell into the grip of a powerful addiction.
This was not an addiction to drugs or alcohol. No one could smell it on my breath, or see it in my eyes. It didn’t impair my driving or slur my speech. In fact, there were no obvious signs that I had a dependency problem of any kind. But underneath the exterior of my ‘normal’ life there was something very wrong. Something I was able to keep a secret for well over thirty years.
It matters little what addiction I have (I’ll let you speculate which one). What’s more important are the lies I told in order to keep it a secret. My wife used to tell me that it wasn’t so much the addiction that bothered her as it was the lying…
Like an actor in a play, I wore a mask to disguise my true identity. I never removed the mask, even when the show was over and everyone had gone home. I was never able to fully reveal my true self.
The lies kept me isolated from everyone. I soon became a hollow man – a shell of someone who didn’t exist. My outward persona was a sham. My inward person was a fantasy. What started out as a form of protection was now sucking the life out of me.
It’s not the sin that destroys a man, but the lies required to cover it up.
But as I learned to tell the truth I began to heal and grow spiritually. Telling the truth was a big part of my journey back to sanity.
“Tell the truth, and tell it quickly.”