I’m feeling quite insignificant today. Small and unimportant, like I don’t matter. Let’s face it; what have I done in this life that has amounted to much? Who have I influenced in my life? I feel as though what I do doesn’t make a bit of difference.
These thoughts never fail to depress and discourage me. They’re the same thoughts and feelings that accompanied my addiction. I became more isolated in my addiction as each day passed. And since it didn’t matter to others what I did or said, then I chose to “medicate.” Besides, my addiction wasn’t hurting anyone… was it?
At the beginning I didn’t have a clue how my addiction would affect the people around me, especially the ones I knew and loved. It wasn’t until I was deep into it and I ‘bottomed out’ that it occurred to me what was happening. This addiction was indeed having a profound effect on my family and friends.
My absenteeism and chronic lateness played a factor. (I was quite isolated.) Mood swings and explosive anger was another. Turning a good marriage into a bad one was the ultimate display of how my addiction affected others.
The ripple effect of a tiny act can have great repercussions for good and ill. I just have to look back and remember what happened. Even the smallest and seemingly insignificant acts of selfishness created a huge amount of chaos in my life and my family.
If my negative acts can have such a strong impact what might a positive decision make in my world?
My feeling of insignificance today is the same one that accompanied my fall into addiction. It’s a lie I tell myself. “I am nothing, and what I do amounts to nothing.” What a load of crap! Where do these thoughts come from?
The truth is: I am not insignificant and my actions do matter. And I can have a positive effect on others when I choose to do good. A simple act of kindness can influence another which could turn their world around and impact and entire community.
I just have to remember the courageous act of an elderly black woman who dared to sit at the front of the bus when the local community required that she move to the back. It not only challenged the status quo, it started an entire movement for black people in the American south.
You are significant. What you say and do is of great importance to us all. You have the potential for great good in the world.