God’s will leads to order and clarity

When I was deep in my addiction, I was insane.  My actions proved it.  There was no rhyme or reason to what I did; I was living in chaos and confusion.  There was no order to my world, no clarity… I had everything backwards.  The only time I felt good was the time I compulsively acted out.

I lost perspective on what is really important – what really matters.

I ignored my own needs as a human being.  I failed to eat properly.  I suffered from sleep deprivation.  I had a wife and two kids, but I very seldom came home – and when I did, I was somewhere else in my head.  Emotionally, I was completely unavailable.

My business venture was failing, and eventually ground to a complete halt.  My family and I suffered financially because I was too preoccupied with my addiction.  My marriage was crumbling.  All I cared about was me, and how I could get my next fix.

As I was gradually restored to sanity, 12-Step recovery brought everything back into perspective for me.  The chaos I created began to subside; I gained more clarity of mind.  The emotional storm in which I lived eventually subsided, and my life started to feel more peaceful and serene.

A spiritual awakening made me realize that I was causing all the chaos and confusion.  I learned quickly that God’s will for me is to remain spiritually connected to a Power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity.

By surrendering to a Power greater than myself, I gave over my own will, a will that created chaos and confusion.  Before  surrender, I was on a collision course with reality.  After surrender, I aligned myself with reality and with Love.  Order and clarity was the result of my surrender.