When I was deep in my addiction, I was insane. My actions proved it. There was no rhyme or reason to what I did; I was living in chaos and confusion. There was no order to my world, no clarity… I had everything backwards. The only time I felt good was the time I compulsively acted out.
I lost perspective on what is really important – what really matters.
I ignored my own needs as a human being. I failed to eat properly. I suffered from sleep deprivation. I had a wife and two kids, but I very seldom came home – and when I did, I was somewhere else in my head. Emotionally, I was completely unavailable.
My business venture was failing, and eventually ground to a complete halt. My family and I suffered financially because I was too preoccupied with my addiction. My marriage was crumbling. All I cared about was me, and how I could get my next fix.
As I was gradually restored to sanity, 12-Step recovery brought everything back into perspective for me. The chaos I created began to subside; I gained more clarity of mind. The emotional storm in which I lived eventually subsided, and my life started to feel more peaceful and serene.
A spiritual awakening made me realize that I was causing all the chaos and confusion. I learned quickly that God’s will for me is to remain spiritually connected to a Power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity.
By surrendering to a Power greater than myself, I gave over my own will, a will that created chaos and confusion. Before surrender, I was on a collision course with reality. After surrender, I aligned myself with reality and with Love. Order and clarity was the result of my surrender.