Okay, I’ll admit it. I procrastinate. It’s not that I want to put things off; I just do. Like this blog post, for instance. I was supposed to start this a week ago. The desire to bring it to pass was certainly there – right from the get go. But I put it off. And for what?
I think I have an attitude of perfectionism. Even today I feel it lingering as I considered what to post. It’s got to be perfect, you know… as if ‘perfection’ actually existed. There remains this fantasy in my head that something perfect exists out there and I must keep looking until I find it. It’s enough to give me writer’s block! And all creativity is brought to a halt just because I spend my time looking for something ‘perfect’ to say.
Today I am grateful to my Higher Power for the realization that there is never going to be the perfect time, or place, or the perfect idea… or the perfect blog post. It’s very liberating to realize that perfection doesn’t really exist. Oh, I suppose it exists in my mind (along with a whole host of other illusions and fantasies.) But as I look around I realize that there is nothing perfect.
There will never be the perfect time to begin anything; the time to begin is now.
When I began recovery and started to work the steps, I got bogged down at step four. What had started with enthusiasm soon became my favorite thing to avoid. I made up all kinds of excuses why I couldn’t finish that step. It started out with, “It’s too hard.” Then I began to tell myself, “I don’t have the time. That gave way to, “I don’t need to do this step” And finally, “I have no interest in doing step four.”
Excuses were plentiful, and I found no difficulty coming up with them. I had to somehow rationalize my avoidance, my procrastination. But there was something that lurked beneath the surface: Fear.
Fear is not a bad thing, mind you. It sure comes in handy when you’re crossing the street or handling a sharp knife. But it serves no purpose whatsoever when it prevents me from moving forward with something that is good and necessary like the 12-Step program.
If I work the Steps I will recover; I need never fear that I won’t make it. I trust the program, and I trust my Higher Power. I am learning to love the way God loves. And this love gives me the courage to continue my journey. I may not be recovering ‘perfectly’ but I am recovering!
You are not perfect, nor will you ever be perfect. But you will recover if you work the Steps… and you’re worth it!