You know, it’s kind of frustrating… this mindfulness stuff.
I get so distracted. I start out listening for God’s voice and end up listening to my own voice. And I end up talking to myself.
Other times, I don’t want to sit still. In fact, I want to get up out of my chair and move around. I don’t seem to be ready when it’s time to meditate.
Maybe evening is not a good time to be meditating. I’m tired from working all day; I’m distracted with the things that came up while at work, and were never laid to rest.
Even sexual feelings can surface when it’s time to be still, time to be quiet. Not a great state of mind to be in when you’re trying to meditate.
Perhaps I’m making it too complicated for myself. It’s supposed to be simple – almost boring. But boring because my mind wants to think, chattering away about everything and nothing.
It’s hard just to sit and remain still, and not think about everything. But I will persevere until it gets easier. There are too many people who testify to the benefits of meditation for me to pass it up. And I’m very sure that, in time, I will meditate very well.
Listening is not my strong suit; but improving my conscious contact with God is part of my mission. As an addict – a sex addict – I am looking to my Higher Power for greater control of my mind. I shall persevere at this practice in order to learn how to remain in a constant state of mindfulness.
I heard somewhere that: ‘Struggling is part of the deal; quitting only makes it worse.’ And I will not quit.