The sign on the vending machine read, “Out of Order.” Crap!
After my disappointment subsided, I began to feel angry. It was late. I was hungry. And the restaurant was closed. “What kind of a motel doesn’t fix the only vending machine on the premises?” Crap!
I hated that hand-written sign. “Out of Order” may as well read “Sucks to be you, Bud!”
But that vending machine wasn’t the only thing broken.
My life wasn’t working either. There should have been a sign hanging around my neck. “Out of Order” would have summed it up accurately.
A full-blown sex addiction can do that to a person. Everything was screwed up… my job, my finances, my relationships, my marriage…
My life was broken, and it hurt.
When I fully committed myself to a 12-step program, I began to experience a change. Things started to get better. My life didn’t feel so out-of-order.
Even the program had a certain order to it. I had to do Step 1 before I could move on to Step 2. I was instructed not to move on to Step 3 until Step 2 was complete.
There’s nothing “willy-nilly” about recovery. It’s a return to order.
For many years I thought I enjoyed my out-of-order life. I associated “orderliness” with boredom. Life seemed so dull and depressing for those who lived orderly. (They must have felt very restricted!) But the pain of a life that was out-of-order became greater than the pain of living a life of orderly conduct.
I’m learning that life lived in its proper order is actually… desirable!
I still see hand-written signs posted on vending machines. But I never want to see the words “Out of order” describing my life ever again.
Watching everything come together in an orderly fashion is not dull. It’s not boring when sanity replaces chaos. It’s exciting to watch how my life is slowly repairing itself all because I’m learning to do things in a certain way.
No more “Out of order!”