Strength in weakness

When I was 18, I worked out.

It was a time in my life when I wanted to feel invincible.  I spent almost every evening after school in the mat room lifting weights, push-ups, chin-ups… anything to increase my physical strength.

I wasn’t particularly athletic.  I just wanted to look and feel strong.

As addicts, don’t we want to feel strong? Invincible?  I mean, who wants to feel weak?

There was a time in my life when feeling weak really bothered me.  I would think to myself, “OMG… hear we go again…”  And I would spiral downward into my addiction…

I have come to terms with this emotional thing.  Feelings are just… well… feelings!  They come and they go.  They have a lot to do with what I am thinking about.

Before recovery, I didn’t know that I could find strength in weakness.  I remember the spiritual teaching from my Christian mentors… “When I am weak I am strong…”

I never understood this paradox until I got into recovery.  When I admitted I was powerless, I was then able to search for a higher power that could restore my sanity.

It’s funny how a subtle thing like “letting go” works in our favor.  The very act of admitting to our weakness, and then letting go – handing it over to a higher power – seems to make all the difference.

Are you feeling weak today?  That’s okay.  Call someone and “let it go.”  When the mist of uncertainty rises, Higher Power is there to give you strength for today.