I still remember what life was like for me as a kid.
I had no concept of time when I was out in the school yard playing with my classmates. If it wasn’t for the school bell we would have continued playing indefinitely. Even then, I probably wouldn’t have noticed the sun going down until it was too dark to see anything.
Time only became a factor when I was in science class – bored out of my tree! That class seemed to take forever. And for some reason I often got into trouble. I was merely trying to liven things up by playing practical jokes on my best friend who sat in the next desk over.
Not until art class did I finally find some relief. I enjoyed drawing pictures, and it showed. You could say I got pretty good at it – better than the average kid . It was the same feeling I got when I was out playing ball with my buddies. No sense of time. Just this wonderful experience of being lost in the moment.
I didn’t obsess about yesterday’s failures and disappointments. Nor did I worry about tomorrow. All that mattered was right now – this present moment.
No one had to teach me how to do it. It just came naturally. I knew who I was, and what mattered to me in the moment. I was at peace with myself and the world around me, fully engaged in the moment. It was effortless.
Somewhere along the line I lost that ability to remain in the moment. Yesterday’s failures and tomorrow fears took its toll, and I found myself slipping away into addiction.
Addiction soon became my substitute for the real thing. It felt like this present moment while I was engaged in acting out. But the regrets and the fears would return, and I needed to act out again.
Today, in recovery, I try to live one day at a time. It’s in this present moment – today – that I find peace and serenity. And it is where I find God.
“Make the most of today, for today is all we have.”