This Present moment is all that matters

I still remember what life was like for me as a kid.

 I had no concept of time when I was out in the school yard playing with my classmates.  If it wasn’t for the school bell we would have continued playing indefinitely.  Even then, I probably wouldn’t have noticed the sun going down until it was too dark to see anything.

Time only became a factor when I was in science class – bored out of my tree!  That class seemed to take forever.  And for some reason I often got into trouble.  I was merely trying to liven things up by playing practical jokes on my best friend who sat in the next desk over.

Not until art class did I finally find some relief.  I enjoyed drawing pictures, and it showed.  You could say I got pretty good at it – better than the average kid .  It was the same feeling I got when I was out playing ball with my buddies.  No sense of time.  Just this wonderful experience of being lost in the moment.

I didn’t obsess about yesterday’s failures and disappointments.  Nor did I worry about tomorrow.  All that mattered was right now – this present moment.

No one had to teach me how to do it.  It just came naturally.  I knew who I was, and what mattered to me in the moment.  I was at peace with myself and the world around me, fully engaged in the moment.  It was effortless.

Somewhere along the line I lost that ability to remain in the moment.  Yesterday’s failures and tomorrow fears took its toll, and I found myself slipping away into addiction.

Addiction soon became my substitute for the real thing.  It felt like this present moment while I was engaged in acting out.  But the regrets and the fears would return, and I needed to act out again.

Today, in recovery, I try to live one day at a time.  It’s in this present moment – today – that I find peace and serenity.  And it is where I find God.

“Make the most of today, for today is all we have.”