I am a procrastinator. With just about everything. My motto is, “Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?”
This character defect has not served me well – especially in recovery.
When it was time to start attending 12 step meetings, I would show up late and skip out early. Sometimes, I wouldn’t go at all. My wife thought I was going to a meeting because I told her so. But on the way, I would have a change of heart.
When I finally got used to going to meetings regularly, it took me forever to find a sponsor.
After I found someone to be my sponsor, I took forever to start doing the steps. I would read them and study up on the 12 steps, but I couldn’t seem to commit to working them.
Steps 1 to 3 were simple enough. But then there was step 4. This sounded like ‘work’ to me; and it was. I’d look at the questions, and try to answer some of them. But it was hard.
So, I would put the ‘work’ down, and bury it under a pile of books and other distractions. Out of sight – out of mind.
It wasn’t until I had a major slip that almost cost me my job. I suddenly ‘awoke’ from my spiritual sleep and made the decision to finish the steps, and get on with the business of recovery.
I still have a tendency to put things off – things I know I need to do. But I now have an awareness of my aversion to follow through, and I’m able to encourage myself to ‘get on with it’ in spite of my reluctance.
Part of my recovery is learning to say to myself, “What are you waiting for? Do it now!”